Words saved my life

As a young person I read and wrote with such urgency I thought my life would end if I stopped. My finger tips ached from holding the pen so tightly. I was trying to convey my feelings with pen and paper trying to make sense of the darkness that was quickly expanding around me. Words saved my life, rather than thinking about the trauma in my life , I experienced fantasy, comedy, romance and tragedy at the hands of a paperback .The escape was spellbinding so I read and I read and although the characters were flawed I gained a connection. It gave me hope that with all my flaws I too can succeed, so I wrote and all my thoughts and feelings spilled onto the paper. Words saved my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been disloyal to the very thing that saved my life, I have neglected and disregarded its medicinal properties. Slowly breaking the connection because I thought only darkness could inspire me. Not taking advantages of the gift I was given is a travesty.

 

I started this blog in 2012 and the last post was last year 2013 even then the posts were limited. I am now going to make an effort to write and read more frequently. I will post old and new poems on this blog. I have rested  for a very long time on this writing journey I must now get up continue my journey.

BM seeking WW

For years this debate has been an issue and maybe in more years to come it will continue to be an issue. Some are quite tired of this debate so am I must say but probably for different reasons.
 What debate you ask???

BLACK MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH WHITE WOMEN

Why is this a big issue in the black community? 
Should someone not be able to have a preference whether it be fat, skinny, black white or a one legged dog?
 HELL YEAH!!!
I am a firm believer of love knows no age, race, gender or colour....... in other words you never know  who you fall in love with, love has its way of sneaking up on you and before you know it, it has knocked you for six.
So what is my issue you ask?? 
For the last year or so this has come to my attention many black men and boys say one or both of the following terms
"That’s what I mean about black women" followed by a list of negative things that black women are
 "It’s so difficult to have a relationship with a black woman"

Now as a black woman that really annoys me, this negative stereotype that some black men are putting on black women is just completely sad and disheartening. 

I have had a conversation with a black guy whose friends is enjoying blissful relationships with white women, in turn he also said that those same friends who previously had relationships with black women did not work out because of the women and their "Black ways"* (not being supportive, argumentative, sexually inhibited and just plain old loud/ghetto whatever you want to call it) So in other words his conclusions were in order to have a blissful relationship and to avoid the above list then you should not have a relationship with a black woman

Yes shocking but true can you imagine how many black men out there that have that kind of mentality.

Now when I heard this I was speechless, flabbergasted, annoyed and sad all in one. I mean are you serious???????

Not being supportive 
Argumentative 
Sexually inhibited
Plain old loud/ghetto

Are not just human traits, but black women traits
???????????????????????????????????????????

For years women are out there attacking white women like they are the enemy, ladies the white woman is not your enemy.

I have yet to come across a white man who is dating a black woman put down his white counter-part.
As I said before I am a firm believer of love knows no age, race, gender or colour. 
But if you have premeditated thoughts and actions of avoiding a black woman when you are a black man because you THINK all black women are a certain way THEN THAT IS WHERE MY ISSUE LIES.

The saying if you sleep with dogs you will catch fleas 
the operative word is dog it does not single out one breed of dog its talking about all dogs.

So therefore if you keep seeing the same kind of women I don’t mean colour wise I mean personality wise, or keep meeting women in a particular place you will get the same result. 

Now if you choose to sleep with A nice kept dog and the dog happens to be a golden retriever don’t automatically think that all golden retrievers don’t have fleas. 

I mean come on guys, as I said this debate is getting old and tiring, and some of these black men notions are just plain DUMB.

I have learned not let this effect me because some will have their way of life and sometimes it does not fit into yours so all you can do is just walk on.

Peace & love

Different = the same

At a young age we are always told be unique, be different, people stop and look when you are those things. It would seem a lot of people has got that memo because there has been a rush of sudden "individualism" (please note the quotation marks).











People are trying, doing, saying and wearing "different" things to express their "uniqueness", now what happens here is that you find everyone looking the same, doing and saying the same things.
This really creates a rolled eye moment for me.

Things that weren't "socially acceptable" in the past has now became social forward, things like being AWKWARD, GEEKY, GAY and other social misfits. In the past these groups would barely get a look in, for people were unsure and maybe frightened of these people's individualism, they were ignored, chastised and invisible.

In 2012 people are trying their best to be AWKWARD,GEEKY,GAY. Half the time these traits are not natural they are forced, as being those things are the new fad. With web series like Awkward Black Girl, which is now being picked up by ABC (if you don't know, get to know) and MTV's Awkward its now the thing to be. Some profess to be geeks, when they are dumb as fuck, they put on a black rimmed glasses or horn rimmed glasses and think they are the next Steve Urkel . Some label themselves as GAY and few months down the line are heterosexual again, what an insult to the gay community.

Check this out on youtube funny and extremely awkward

People are even dressing themselves in the hopes of making a unique statement.
I remember a few years ago I was in a group meeting and I  think the topic was individualism or something along those lines, one young man went on to say that he was unique because of the way he dressed. I was truly confused, and I asked "what is it abut your dress sense that make you unique?" he went on to say the shape of his jeans and the style of trainers. BLINK, I was so bewildered, I said to him "that does not make you different I could walk outside right now and pass 5 young men in 10 minutes and they will be wearing the same thing as you"
He did not take that well.
Girls put ensembles together and think its unique, IT'S NOT, especially when you are following what's in season.

We try to be different but always end up looking like someone.
Grace Jones & Lady GaGa

Most people who are on the path to individualism concentrate on the physical aspect of it, and therefore give in to consumerism. (We are all guilty of wanting something because it's in even if its unconscious). Rarely do people treat the inner self, we would rather make up the outer self to please the world. 

I think Being unique or different is unconscious, its not physical does not need convincing nor labeling it just is. Its about thyself how we think, how we are, how we treat people, what and how we create things. Some people are so hell bent on showing others copy of who they are to come across as more interesting that they end up creating a duplicate of something else, a poor one at that.

On my journey to self-actualization i want to treat my inner self, feed it with life altering information, take up activities that exercise my creativity, try be a little more understanding, try not to harbor bad thoughts, listen and love always.

Peace&love

Friendships like these

A friend of mine made an interesting statement today; she said 

"A lot of friendships break because people confuse miscommunication with betrayal." 

I felt so enlightened; there was so much truth in that statement. I mean how many of you out there can think of a scenario where you or someone you know has stopped talking to a friend because of something that was said or not said, where at that moment it seemed like total betrayal, but when you really look at it, it boils down to miscommunication. I'm talking about the way a conversation was approached, how it was said, or how it wasn't said.

In this day and age a lot of us rely on social networks whether we use it as our own personal diary, (rolled eyes) to keep up with latest news or to keep up friendships a lot of us do rely on it.

Some of us are so dependant on social networks we forget how to have a face to face conversation. Social networks conversation are sometimes done in short hand because you can only have a certain amount of characters, or because it’s simply too long to write a full blown conversation (laziness). So when we are having a discussion with a friend via Facebook or BBM words and comments get misconstrued because conversations are not being fully had. People take things as a personal attack and the friendship is history. 

NOW there are some people who are way ahead of their time and think that mind reading and physic connections are available to the mass public. How is one supposed to know that one is going through a hard time if that person is not forthcoming with information? Are the days gone when people would call a friend if they are going through problems? Are social media's to be blamed for this? We live in an age where friendships are becoming a myth, we are not having proper conversations, we aren't respecting each other and we aren't respecting the history of a friendship. Some people have been friends for so long and all because of a few words or no words friendships are dying.

I had a friend who told me that he thinks our “friendship is dead” because I was not making an effort to call or come see him, while I did agree with where he was coming from, I couldn’t get over his self righteous approach. The way he spoke you would think he called me every other day to see how I was doing and that so wasn’t the case, he was just as guilty. His whole advance was little off key, needless to say that friendship went down hill, we have cordial conversations when see each other but that’s about it.

I'm sure we all have our own rules and regulations about friendships, some need to understand that it doesn't always match up with others. Is that where the problem lies?  Are we entering friendships blind? Or have we just simply grown out of that friendship?

I do believe that we all need friends even if it's one, they are our support network our everything. If your friendship has broken after a long time respect the history, be thankful for what you had and move on.

Peace&Love 

A THOUGHT #1

At some stage in your life you think that you will continue to like the people you have always loved. Note the operative words in that sentence being LIKE and LOVE. I believe you can love someone but not particularly like them at times. Just when you think oh I love this person that should be enough, time and age comes and smack you in the face and say “Sorry love, it doesn’t always work like that”

My question is do we sometimes love out of obligation?  For example a love for a parent, some of us may not principally like them for what ever reason, could be their personality, the way you were treated or disciplined by that said parent. But ultimately you love them because they are your parents. Don’t get me wrong for some of us this may not apply, but I question myself over and over again “DO WE SOMETIMES LOVE OUT OF OBLIGATION”

Now I would never want to love a partner out of obligation, but I would also love to like my partner. Many of us have been in relationships where we are not happy with the person we are with. The relationship may have started off sweet, as a lot do, but when we start becoming relaxed, comfortable we then become truthful, our real personality comes seeping through and slowly but surely abracadabra out comes the real person You don’t really like, its not exactly conducive to the way you live but because you have invested so much into the relationship you feel obligated (here is that word again) to stay and stick through it.

So do we love out of obligation?

And does the obligation make the love redundant?

Peace&love

Where I am coming from*

I was born on the beautiful island of St Lucia (Im not just saying that it really is beautiful). for those who don't know much or anything about St Lucia here are some key facts.

A view of The Pitons

•  The population is around 170,650
• The capital is Castries
• The official language is English but the local dialect is French patois
• It is the second  largest of the windward islands 
• It is an ex British colony and has been independent since February 22nd  1979
• St Lucia is considered the most romantic island in the Caribbean 
• Britain and France was at war for the island 14 times and the rule of the island changed frequently (it was seven times each ruled by France and Britain) the British eventually took definitive control of the island in 1814.
• Because it switched hands so often between French and British control it was known as Helen Of The West
• Saint Lucia has 2 Nobel prize winners. Sir Arthur Lewis won the the Nobel Prize in economies in 1979 and Derek Walcott received the Nobel prize in Literature in 1992
• It has the only drive through volcano in the world

Drive in volcano: Sulphur Springs

National Flag

I was born in the Anse-La-Raye quarter of St Lucia.The English translation for Anse-La-Raye means Bays of Rays. Two rivers flow into the bay.  Every Friday night there is a beach party called Fish Fry, the local fishermen, and residents of Anse-La-Raye sell food and drink and play music which caters to tourist and the locals.

View of Anse-La-Raye

Fish Fry

As a child my favourite place was the river, i absolutely loved going there. I also loved the the sea but i was banned from going to sea by my mother (of course at any given opportunity i was in the sea without my mothers knowledge).One of my earliest memories of the river was with my father, he took me to the river to have a swim i remember him emerging from the water  with his locks following him, when he reached land which was filled with pebbles, rocks and stones he shook his head vigorously to get the water out of his locks. I remember having so much fun it was a perfect father daughter moment.

The way I learnt how to swim was a very distressing and traumatizing and some how proud moment for me. I was 5 maybe 6 years old and was on the beach with my friend, I saw all the older kids swimming, splashing, jumping off the jetty and having fun. I was determined to have that kind of fun. I saw one of my older brother's friend on the jetty. I took my little five year old self to the jetty and asked my brother's friend if I could saddle on his back while he is in the water. He said YES! I was so excited I was finally going be in the water at the end of the jetty. So in we went. 


For the first few seconds it was exhilarating but suddenly my brother's friend decided to go under the water, he swam off leaving me in the deep now very frightening sea. I remember fighting against the waves, gulping a huge amount of salty water, I thought I was going to die.There were voices around me children and adults alike swimming and playing care freely in the water.As a five year old I told myself I'm not going to drown in this water, I remained calm and one stroke at a time I swam to shore, the strokes were clumsy and to a spectator would seem like a young child splashing in the water. I finally reached the shore coughing gasping for breath, my friend ran towards,I said to her "I ALMOST DROWNED" I said it very animatedly, a small smile on my face, I was proud of myself proud that I didn't drown proud that I could finally swim, however clumsy it may have been. That moment is so fresh in my head I don't think I could ever for get it.

The river

Anse-La-Raye falls

I haven't been back to the island for 16 years.  Its the lover I wished I never left behind. I think about it all the time, pine for it and the family I left behind. I will return there, explore the places I have yet to explore, revisit moments and relish in it.

The jetty

*Want to know why I left this beautiful island? KEEP TRACK OF MY BLOG.

Peace and love 

Let me introduce myself

I am a 20 something year old single black female trying to get at the top of life's ladder. My life has been filled with bad luck and tiny burst of miracles. Confused? Yea? Well sometimes so am I. Just when I think my life is a bottomless cesspit of bullshit, I get a tiny burst of miracle. It takes me by surprise and at that moment I think, maybe just maybe I am destined to be something great. And then the bottomless cesspit bullshit of a life thing happens again.

I enjoy writing and reading I've enjoyed doing that since I was a child, I hope to write a book in the future, but at the rate I'm going that's probably never going to happen.#SIGH. So I ask you why am I not hopeful that I will write a book in the future? The Disney in me should be bending over and backwards to succeed my dream. Whatever life throws at me I should overcome just so I am able to fulfil my dream. But my life is far from a Disney flick, I have no soundtrack of encouragement, and I am yet to see a happy ending on the horizon. But maybe I'm onto something. 

I regularly have sleepless nights, I used to pride myself on sleeping through any problems I have, sleep was my comfort,companion and lover  but now insomnia is creeping between my sheets and digging at every dream, fear and trouble I have in my head. You see its the lack of realising my full potential that keeps me awake. My being tells me I am suppose to be something, something more than what I am today, no more ignoring that part of me I am going to find the drive of self-actualization.


I must try to create my own "happy ending"

• REALISE MY POTENTIAL
• BE TRUE TO MYSELF
• GET FIT
• FIND LOVE
• LIVE FOR THE MOMENT 

I am going to be my very own Princess Tiana (Don't roll your eyes) and chase my dream

I'm going to take the cards that life has dealt me (may I add a shitty hand it is) sit down, put on my best poker poker face and try very hard not to fold. 




PEACE&LOVE